tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14508623118115096942024-03-19T02:41:28.390-07:00Raising Your MonstersA guide for the bringing up of interesting children.Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-56193081013700220402011-08-03T11:27:00.000-07:002011-08-03T11:41:04.505-07:00How to Deal With a Child Who Has Food Intolerances<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">When I married my darling Jack he brought along all of his many wonderful qualities and attributes, but he also brought along two secrets hiding in his family history: milk and sugar intolerances. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">I’d heard stories about how his little brother Beau would go absolutely nuts whenever he was given sugar, and I knew that Jack himself had been milk intolerant as a small child, but in the bliss of young love I never dreamed that someday I might have to deal with those issues. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">My family</i>, after all, didn’t have any of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">those</i> kinds of issues… except for ADHD, I guess…</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">So, in case you haven’t guessed, we have come to the conclusion that Sarah has both sugar and milk intolerances, and we think she has ADHD which, cutely enough, can be set off, if you will, when the afflicted one partakes of one of the many yummy things made with milk. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">We suspected the sugar allergy about a year ago, but just taking her off sugar didn’t quite do it. Once I gave in and admitted that my contribution to the DNA mix might have been contaminated as well we started looking into natural ways to control ADHD. It just made too much sense that perhaps she’d gotten a bit of Jack’s inability to drink milk which exacerbates the wee bit of ADHD she may, or may not, have received from my end of things.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">Fortunately, or unfortunately, this combination works like a charm. It’s wonderful because I now have a four year old girl who is helpful, kind, caring and just plain nice. We don’t have meltdowns anymore, she shares her toys, I haven’t seen her hit anyone for a while, and instead of joining Evee in destroying the house she comes and tells me when her delightful sister is emptying the bookshelves with abandon (which happened this morning). </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; tab-stops: 374.5pt; text-indent: .5in;">The negative side of it is actually having to stick with this diet. My fabulous mother in law told me it took a year or two of being completely off sugar to cure Beau of it, and I am sure not looking forward to two years of policing everything she eats. I’ve even been dreaming lately of stealing cookies from her hands and swiping goldfish crackers out of her mouth like she’s a baby about to choke on them. Another downer is that this may cure her so well of bad behavior I might not have any more stories to write about for my blog…</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; tab-stops: 374.5pt; text-indent: .5in;">So what kind of changes have we had to make to do this, you ask? The major things are easy enough. We buy rice/almond/coconut milk instead of real milk, but we have to make sure they’re the sugar free kind. I was making all our bread at home for a while, but honestly it’s just too stinking hot outside. But we found a great bread at Costco that fits the bill. It’s actually been really easy to alter the recipes I make most often for our meals.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; tab-stops: 374.5pt; text-indent: .5in;">Where we’ve been running into trouble is in the snack department. If you go down the cracker isle at the grocery store every single cracker has either milk or sugar in it. I know, I’ve checked. I have found a few in specialty stores that are milk and sugar free, but in all honesty they’re pretty gross. The only snacks we’ve been able to find are fruit leathers and dried fruit, but it turns out small children get bored of those after a couple weeks. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; tab-stops: 374.5pt; text-indent: .5in;">So what’s the answer? Make my own! It turns out that’s going to be the answer most of the time. So far I’ve made passable chocolate cake, graham crackers, and wheat thins. It’s pretty fun now while I’m still experimenting with it, and I hope that enthusiasm holds.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; tab-stops: 374.5pt; text-indent: .5in;">One thing I do have to be enormously grateful for is that Sarah is completely on board. It turns out she doesn’t like being unhappy and restless all the time. She has been absolutely fantastic whenever we tell her she can’t have something because it has sugar in it and she’s been getting better at asking us if something has sugar in it before she eats it. It’s been really nice getting to know the real Sarah. She really is a sweetheart. But if I ever miss my little monster all it would take is a single goldfish cracker to bring her back for a full four days until the sugar and milk fully pass out of her system. Joy.<br />
<br />
Here's my first attempts at graham crackers and wheat thins:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD0LWBnvFgNl0FC5e7tWoFMRxBygpANBC5SIKVgEH82G-r2JQuVAnvRhWmmst3fK-ZyPxtTc90g5kZuwBwz-NpfrMOJnqYnd3vetbL6S8owmu-bH5unq-XGL0hufLD8VWmwEHxa_ZUMh50/s1600/2011+271.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD0LWBnvFgNl0FC5e7tWoFMRxBygpANBC5SIKVgEH82G-r2JQuVAnvRhWmmst3fK-ZyPxtTc90g5kZuwBwz-NpfrMOJnqYnd3vetbL6S8owmu-bH5unq-XGL0hufLD8VWmwEHxa_ZUMh50/s200/2011+271.JPG" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia0fZ-IfvYebGUqHU5M8zEKywCVZi7G7jdGOBqvO4jtT4-lVQ8AvHEipkxWNpfC4WB7QVLbdfSrjTA3dBukzWCVLU0Q5BqH-YWABQScL6wH4qjszVm3Sfyw2L1Ya-_wi04VB3bwLMkUfg2/s1600/2011+267.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia0fZ-IfvYebGUqHU5M8zEKywCVZi7G7jdGOBqvO4jtT4-lVQ8AvHEipkxWNpfC4WB7QVLbdfSrjTA3dBukzWCVLU0Q5BqH-YWABQScL6wH4qjszVm3Sfyw2L1Ya-_wi04VB3bwLMkUfg2/s200/2011+267.JPG" width="200" /></a></div></div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-86943046240763718692011-06-29T19:14:00.000-07:002011-06-29T19:14:03.405-07:00How to Get a Threat of Continental Expulsion<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">Well friends, it finally happened: this past weekend my mother officially asked me when exactly we were applying to Oxford and if there were any way she could help expedite the process or help us pack.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I was mistaken in thinking that such an exclamation could have come after a mere few hours of babysitting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It turns out that it takes four days straight of minding interesting children before beloved grandparents throw in the towel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Jack and I went on a camping trip with our church this weekend, which is why the beloved grandparents were saddled with the children in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why didn’t we take them along, you ask?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t really the kind of thing you take small children to, unless you want to double or even triple the pain of the experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a Pioneer reenactment, which means that all the teenagers and adults we could muster gathered together in Northern Arizona, dressed up in ye olde Pioneer garb, loaded handcarts with all our gear, and then walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, aaaaannnnd waaaaalllked, thereby simulating at least in part the great trek our ancestors took across the plains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It probably sounds a little strange, but it was great fun and all the teenagers got to learn a lot about their Pioneer heritage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This being said, never had I been more grateful that I was not a pioneer; after all I’d witnessed I doubted very much that my two interesting and curious children could have survived the experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s hard enough keeping them alive in our apartment; I can’t even imagine the trouble they’d get into if the whole outdoors were open to them for months on end. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">We were filthy, blistered, exhausted, and sunburned as we drove back down to the Valley of the Sun where we live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was our greatest hope that the beloved grandparents would be able to keep the children one more day, giving us at least a little time to begin the recovery process, so as soon as we got back into cell phone range we called my mom to see how she and the girls were getting along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It turns out they had had a very interesting time of their own.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">They’d started the fun the day after we left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother had been directing Sarah to water the trees in the backyard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The last one she told her to water was the tree by her window.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sarah didn’t understand what that meant, so my mother said, “the one by Jason’s fire escape.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sarah knew exactly what she meant by that, since she had helped plant flowers in there just a few weeks before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, while planting flowers we’d noticed a small tree fighting for life in there as well; a small tree Sarah was very fond of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">This being the case it is not difficult to see how she got confused and so instead of watering the tree planted in the ground near the fire escape, she stuck the hose down in the fire escape instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother knew the tree she had intended to be watered was very thirsty, so she let it run, and run, and run, and run.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And run.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only after the water had flooded Jason’s bedroom from wall to wall, and the water level in the fire escape was half a foot over the tops of the flowers did Jason finally wake up and realize that something was amiss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">On Saturday afternoon, the day we came home, my mother had the obligation of attending two family events back to back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This gets tricky because it means that Evee would have to miss out on her afternoon nap, and Sarah her afternoon rest time (where we make her lie down and watch a movie for an hour since she doesn’t nap anymore, but should).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The wonderful thing about interesting children is that the more tired they get the more hyper they become.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother and brother had a most delightful time wrestling the two children and apologizing profusely to everyone around them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sarah, I am told, even took it upon herself to go digging through a drawer full of guns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The owner of the house explained to my mother that the drawer had been full of guns for forty years and in that time Sarah is the only one to have ever, ever gone digging through it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She would.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is just that interesting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, no harm, no foul, except for the two small heart attacks no doubt experienced by the homeowner and my mother.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">You can imagine the kind of response I got then, when I called my mother as we were driving home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“So,” I asked tentatively, not knowing all that had transpired while I’d been away, “is there any chance of them staying another night?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve got a lesson and a talk to plan for church tomorrow, and we’re both in desperate need of a shower and a nap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But,” I added on to sound a little less pleading, “if you want us to come get them I suppose we could.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You can get them right now,” she said firmly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could tell she had had enough, and even though I knew none of the details, it wasn’t hard to guess why.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">We drove the hour drive from our side of town to Mesa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a miracle we stayed awake for it, but it was not hard to keep our eyes open once we learned all the awful truth; less seasoned parents might not have been able to sleep for days.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">We gathered the girl’s things together as they tore through the house like howler monkeys, and this is where my mother looked at us and asked quite politely how our Oxford application was coming and if we’d need any help packing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next day she made a point of telling us she didn’t really mean it and that we weren’t actually allowed to move out of the country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think if it does actually come to moving away we’ll just leave the kids with the beloved grandparents for a full week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> They</span>’d be dropping us off at the airport in no time.</div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-25367327014713228872011-05-09T13:47:00.001-07:002011-05-09T13:47:22.661-07:00How to Hide in a Department Store<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">As I buckle Evee into her stroller I start a little conversation with Sarah that goes something like this:</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“So, Sarah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re about to go into this store and do some shopping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mommy needs to buy a present for Aunt Kim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Won’t that be fun?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will you help me find a good present for her?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Sarah is investigating the car we’re parked next to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I take her hand to redirect her attention.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Just remember that in the store I need you to stay with me and Evee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t run off, okay?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not safe, and it makes mom grumpy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Understand?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>No response.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“So let’s stay together, okay?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>She finally nods her head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Okay.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Alright, I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Problem solved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My parenting books have all promised that if I explain to a toddler what I expect before we enter a store, they will behave and do as I say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This last conversation was merely one of many we’ve had about proper conduct in stores, so I know my daughter is more than prepared to be on her best behavior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As we walk to the doors side by side (holding hands while in the street, of course) I picture the other moms I’ve seen who have absolutely no control over their children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were just too lazy to read the right books and take the right steps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My children would be perfect.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">Bah. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Opening a heavy door while trying to push a stroller through it can be somewhat tricky, and my always on the ball Sarah takes the opportunity to jump ahead of us, racing down the aisle to disappear around a corner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, crap.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We spend the next thirty minutes playing catch and release.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I finally catch up to her, get down on her level—just like you’re supposed to—and we have yet another little conversation about staying with mommy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She stays with us until I turn to look at something and then I have just enough time to look back and catch a glimpse of a pony tail whipping past a clothes rack.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Eventually our little conversations take a turn to something like: “If you run off again you are going to be in time out for the rest of the day and maybe for the rest of your life!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Evee usually adds her two cents around this time by crying—loudly and with great animation.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Out of the corner of my eye I notice something pink and sparkly on a table I’m running past, so when I catch Sarah this time, I carry her under my arm back to that table, toss whatever it is on the stroller, and haul my noisy, kicking and screaming crew to the register.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s here in this enforced slow zone, exhausted, disheveled, and on the brink of rage, that I notice other people in the store looking at me like I need to pick up a couple parenting books.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As the lady behind the counter rings up the whatever it was that I grabbed for my sister I look at the clothes racks behind me, the ones Sarah had hidden in for ten minutes last time we were here, and wonder if there’s enough room in there for me to take a nap until all the judgmental people are gone.</div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-80419425730484229532011-04-21T10:14:00.000-07:002011-04-21T10:14:07.936-07:00How to Have the Coolest Cell Phone Ever<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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</style> <![endif]--> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Jack, have you seen my phone?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I had just been talking on it ten minutes ago, but it was absolutely nowhere to be found.<span> </span>I looked on the couch, in the couch, under the couch, on the back porch, in the kitchen, refrigerator, toy bins, under the beds, in beds, in the toilet, in the cupboards... but all to no avail.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“I haven’t seen it,” Jack answers.<span> </span>“Where’d you see it last?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Evee had it for a second by the back door, but she put it down and ran off.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Jack pulls out his phone and calls mine, but we can’t hear it ringing.<span> </span>I know it’s in the house, and I know the ringer is on, so where is it?!</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Then Jack, my genius husband, had the bright idea to not only look on the back balcony, but to look down as well.<span> </span>There, sitting in the rocks three stories down, is my only tool for outside communication—my lifeline to the world beyond small children, dishes, and laundry.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Le sigh. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Sarah and I put our shoes on and went down to get it.<span> </span>We knocked on the door of the neighbor on the ground floor.<span> </span>No answer.<span> </span>Dang it.<span> </span>I really needed my phone back.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">We went around to the back.<span> </span>The back fence was only about three feet high, so I hefted Sarah over it with specific instructions to grab my phone and only my phone and come straight back.<span> </span>She came back with my phone and an armful of toys I recognized that had apparently also received the Evee treatment.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">And what was the condition of my phone?<span> </span>A small scratch on the back, hardly noticeable.<span> </span>Otherwise, it was in perfect working condition. I held it lovingly to my chest as we walked back up the stairs, indescribably happy I didn’t have to go down and hassle with the Verizon people for a new one.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I was even happier two days later when Evee through the same phone into the bathtub.<span> </span>It took about an hour for the speakers to dry out, but it still works just fine and I am one happy camper.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I suppose this isn’t as much of a “how to” as much as it is I really, really love my phone and would encourage anyone else with small children to get one as soon as possible.<span> </span>Jack and I both have one and I can’t even tell you how much money we’ve saved from not having to replace them every couple months.<span> </span>They’ve survived all the chewing on, and throwing, and dropping, and slobbering, and dismantling, and biting, and bathing… and I think that when they finally do die someday we will have to give them a burial with full honors for their brave service to my family.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">If you want to see the awesomeness for yourself you can check it out here. <a href="http://www.casiogzone.com/boulder/">http://www.casiogzone.com/boulder/</a></div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-23959893528493661802011-04-19T22:12:00.000-07:002011-04-20T10:59:01.607-07:00How to Bathe Your Child in a Joanns<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Every once in a while a creativity bug snatches on to me and I feel the need to peruse a Joanns or Michaels store and spend some money on projects I will never finish. I stick Evee in the front of the cart and Sarah in the basket, hand out some snacks and toys, and then stroll around for as long as their good behavior lasts.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">During one of these outings I received a call from a family member and we got to talking… and talking. You know how it goes. To my delight, my children were absolute angels the entire time (and it was a long time). Evee sat in the front chewing on her binky quite contentedly and looking around while Sarah played quietly with toys. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">After much longer than it should have taken me to realize, I began to get suspicious at how <i>very</i> quiet Sarah was. I leaned forward so I could see exactly what was keeping her so attentive.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Any guesses? With the whole inventory of a craft supply store at her sticky fingertips, what does she choose to make a mess with? Paint. The easiest thing in the world to clean up.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">It was white paint which had apparently reminded her of lotion, so she treated it like lotion: shmeared from her ankles to her thighs and all up and down her arms. She’d also taken to applying a fresh coat to the sides of the basket she was in, and when she’d tired of that she just dumped the rest in my favorite leather bag where it dripped all over and in to my favorite leather wallet and everything else.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I took a moment to remind myself that I was in a very public place and that my reaction could result in the calling of CPS if I wasn’t careful.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">So I didn’t say a word. But what do you do with a child covered in wet, and quickly drying, paint? There was no way I was going to let that disaster anywhere near my car for the twenty minute drive home.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I took the only option I had available to me: I grimaced bravely and wheeled us all down to the bathroom in the back of the store. Thankfully the room was big enough for me to push the whole cart into, so at least everyone was contained and within sight. But now what to do with Evee? She was too small at the time to leave in the cart untended while I dealt with Sarah’s mess.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Thankfully blessings in heaven came to me in the form of a complete stranger who took pity on me and my plight. She held the cute fat baby and chatted with me about the joys of raising interesting children while I very carefully picked Sarah up out of the cart and placed her into the one sink. She did not like this. It could not have been very comfortable. Unfortunately for her I was not in the mood to take pity, especially once I’d noticed that she’d managed to get paint on the new and very cute shirt I was wearing.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">A couple hundred paper towels, a lot of scrubbing, and a few promises to Sarah of her being grounded from paint for forever and ever later, I’d finally managed to get all the paint off her skin and most of it off her clothes. My bag and wallet were a lost cause, never to be the same again. And the green plastic cart will forever be endowed with essence of Sarah’s creativity, as it was the last thing I cleaned and the paint had already dried.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">We thanked the very nice stranger profusely (and I thanked my lucky stars she wasn’t some psycho and didn’t run off with Evee while I was up to my elbows in paint). We went to the front of the store and paid for the ruined paint and a few other things I had thrown in the cart earlier that either had or had not been painted on as well. It was about fifty-fifty.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">But at least it was over. Until next time, at least.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The most interesting part of this whole story is that some months later I was telling it to my brother’s fiancé and she claimed to have already heard about it from a friend of hers who had passed through that Joanns bathroom while I was bathing the struggling toddler in the sink. It made me all the happier that I had refrained from using expletives. You never know who’s watching, right?<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhilIXaYecyAGgfSWghaE4q-xmIut78MlCj02baJjHLnq2mVM49zg5bsWGqU6l_sGLIQ1R9x7i6ut2FwHXgBpU2-RkX3J-H6kghL3_Vl5CdYQ_fTK-ijOSgIWCJyWtec7FJVaBTWEqad0-l/s1600/Naughty+Sarah.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhilIXaYecyAGgfSWghaE4q-xmIut78MlCj02baJjHLnq2mVM49zg5bsWGqU6l_sGLIQ1R9x7i6ut2FwHXgBpU2-RkX3J-H6kghL3_Vl5CdYQ_fTK-ijOSgIWCJyWtec7FJVaBTWEqad0-l/s200/Naughty+Sarah.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
</div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-84723658480769990252011-04-18T15:20:00.001-07:002011-04-18T15:20:49.252-07:00How to Get Ready in the Morning<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The simple answer to this is: do it the night before.<span> </span>If you’re going to be tied to any type of a schedule the next day the greatest favor you can do for yourself is to have everything ready a day ahead of time.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">1. Clothing.<span> </span>Pick out all the clothes for the next day before the kids go to sleep.<span> </span>That way the next morning when your toddlers refuse the clothing choices and you have to start from scratch, at least you’ll have the argument, “But you picked this shirt last night and said it was your favorite, favorite shirt!” at your disposal.<span> </span>Not that it will change anything, but it might make you feel better.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">2. Breakfast.<span> </span>One of my favorite things to do is make muffin batter the night before, get it all situated in a muffin tin, and have it waiting and rearing to go in the refrigerator.<span> </span>In the morning it just takes twenty minutes in the oven and boom!<span> </span>There you go: a hot delicious breakfast with no dishes mess.<span> </span>It’s a portable meal as well, so when all your best laid plans go awry and you’re all eating them in the car as you dash to church, your children can pick that place to either A) inform you that they hate muffins and are really hungry, so what else do you have for them? Or B) quietly rip the muffin to shreds and shmear it all over their clothes and hair.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">3.<span> </span>Bathing.<span> </span>Doing this one the night before sounds pretty common sense, but keeping them clean thereafter can be surprisingly troublesome.<span> </span>Most days it will work out perfectly and they’ll be all sparkling clean for those trips to the park and preschool.<span> </span>But on mornings when it’s very important that they stay clean all day (holidays, weddings, etc) they will find the means and opportunity to get dirty, no matter what it takes.<span> </span>You can try to pre-empt their efforts as best you can: dead bolt the back doors, hide the yogurt, banish the dog, give everyone some Pepto to dissuade any barfing or explosive diarrhea, but it matters not.<span> </span>All you can really do is give yourself enough time to give everyone a second bath on mornings that are really important.</div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-30040051694971912212011-04-05T13:17:00.001-07:002011-04-05T13:17:41.300-07:00How to Apologize to Your Child's Pre-School Teacher<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Could you stay after a second?”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I’m standing in the hallway outside Sarah’s preschool class when I hear these dreaded words.<span> </span>Once again I get to partake in the awkward conversation about what Sarah did in class that day.<span> </span>We’ve had talks about such things as: throwing sand in other kid’s eyes, kicking sand at other kids, biting, not sharing, not listening, not participating, wetting her pants five times in a two hour period, and basically just doing what she wants when she wants.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">All of the children are directed out to their parents, one by one, their little backpacks and art projects in hand.<span> </span>After the other parents have trotted off with their little tots one of the teachers stays in the classroom with Sarah and distracts her with something or other while the other teacher pulls me aside and says, “Today we had a little incident during recess.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Oh?” I say, hopeful that maybe it was someone else’s kid who’d done the damage this time.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Yeah, while we were all playing outside Sarah came back in the classroom and locked all the doors.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">It takes everything I have not to laugh.<span> </span>Sarah was starting to get more creative.<span> </span>The most interesting thing about my conversations with Sarah’s teachers is that she has never been called out on for the same thing twice.<span> </span>She gets in trouble for something, is told to never do it again, and then she never does (at preschool, at least).<span> </span>Her ingenuity for new and improved ways to act out at school was truly impressive... in a very naughty way, of course.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">We finish off our little discussion in the same way as all the others.<span> </span>I can’t believe she did that, we’ll talk about it when we get home, blah, blah, blah.<span> </span>It’s just going to end up with the same result.<span> </span>We’ll be here again next week talking about her newest adventures and their consequences.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">In all the months we’ve been in preschool I’ve never noticed the other parents getting pulled aside for the awkward conversation, unless they were the parents of the victims of Sarah’s sand throwing and biting phases.<span> </span>I can’t help but wonder if I’m doing something wrong.<span> </span>But, honestly, how do you pre-empt something like locking the teachers out of the classroom?<span> </span>It doesn’t quite fall into the category of “make sure you listen to your teachers and do what they say” discussions.<span> </span>After all, she did unlock the doors when they asked her to.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">So, barring my coming up with every feasible way of acting out and having a talk with her about it I’m left with apologizing sincerely and often.<span> </span>When they ask for treats for class parties I make home-made cinnamon rolls with sprinkles.<span> </span>When they ask for cardboard oatmeal canisters I bring several.<span> </span>When they ask for toilet paper rolls I bring them by the dozen.<span> </span>This, in combination with Sarah’s curly-haired cuteness, I hope is enough to at least bring us to a neutral ground.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The goal is that by the time Sarah reaches kindergarten she will have mastered such skills of sitting still, listening, and playing nice with the other kids.<span> </span>Two years should be long enough, right?</div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-9130156279628132322011-04-01T14:03:00.000-07:002011-04-01T14:03:59.471-07:00How to Get Through Church<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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</style> <![endif]--> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">This is one I never found an answer to in my parenting books.<span> </span>How do you get a rambunctious, noisy, busy toddler to be quiet and still for an hour?<span> </span>What do you do about baby’s nap time?<span> </span>How do you fill your spiritual sponge when you’re surrounded by children who need constant attention or else they’ll be running up and down the aisles?<span> </span>The books give suggestions for how to mind your toddler on airplanes, in bathrooms, at the park, at the movies, but Heaven forbid they mention church.<span> </span>Surrounded on all sides by my neighbors and friends, all gathered together for a nice, quiet, spiritual meeting, the last thing I want is for my toddler to be the one wreaking havoc in the back (I’ve given up sitting near the front).</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">First:<span> </span>How to keep them in your pew.<span> </span>I always pick a pew that butts up against a wall, so at least one exit is covered.<span> </span>Then we pull out the church bag.<span> </span>It’s full of snacks, paper and pencils, toys, books, and a special quiet book grandma made.<span> </span>This bag only surfaces on Sunday and can usually hold their attention for half an hour.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The second half hour can be more of a struggle.<span> </span>Evee is tired and starts getting really restless, so one of us gets to wrestle her as she crawls up and down and all around.<span> </span>Sarah gets bored and starts pestering the people in the pews around us.<span> </span>If we’re lucky there’s a family with kids behind us she can start sharing toys and snacks with.<span> </span>If we’re not lucky it’s an older couple who’re actually trying to listen to what’s going on at the front.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">When all else fails and the kids are getting too rowdy, we remove them from the scene.<span> </span>I usually try to make this exit right before the kicking and screaming starts, so that I’m not dragging Sarah bodily out the door behind me.<span> </span>We go to an empty classroom and have a little time out and a talk about how we act in church.<span> </span>Sometimes this actually works (angelic blessings, anyone?).<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Second: What about nap time?<span> </span>Church starts at nine for us, and what time do babies nap in the morning?<span> </span>Nine.<span> </span>With Sarah we kind of just stopped going to church for a year until she gave up the first nap, but with Evee we’re trying to power through.<span> </span>We take turns sitting in the mother’s lounge, or one of us sits out in the foyer with her as she has her melt down.<span> </span>As long as we remember her binky and a bottle of milk it’s usually not too bad, but last week we all just went home after fifteen minutes.<span> </span>The first nap, as with all things, falls into the category of: this, too, shall pass. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Third: How to get anything out of church when you have a couple of darling monster children.<span> </span>I’m not exactly sure yet, but I do know that there is a difference in the weeks when we do go and when we don’t.<span> </span>I know Sarah loves to go to church, and that that joy comes from something more than just getting to wear a pretty dress and do her hair nicely.<span> </span>Even when she takes the opportunity to dance down the aisle like a ballerina during the sacrament hymn, I can still feel the importance of what we’re doing there as a family, and that makes it all worth it.<span> </span><span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Fourth:<span> </span>Just ignore everyone else, unless they’re giving you encouraging advice.<span> </span>My favorite people are the ones who smile at my kids as they’re fighting loudly over a toy and say something like, “My kids were just like that.<span> </span>Don’t worry.<span> </span>They turned out fine.”</div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-72051098783629554042011-03-31T10:13:00.000-07:002011-03-31T10:13:40.931-07:00How to be a Human Trash Receptacle<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">“Here you go.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Evee’s first sentence.<span> </span>Short, sweet and to the point; enunciated with perfect clarity.<span> </span>It was also said while she handed me a wrapper she’d found on the floor.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Despite my happiness at hearing her language skills development, I couldn’t help but think: Isn’t it a little early for this?<span> </span>I knew previously that children have a propensity to hand their mothers garbage of all kinds, but I always assumed that this came later—like when they’re in their first little league.<span> </span>Heaven knows I’m still trying to talk Sarah into using a trash receptacle of any kind.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">This has become a favorite past time of Evee’s, though.<span> </span>She likes to rip paper into tiny pieces, then collect them all and hand them to me.<span> </span>She collects garbage on the street and park as well.<span> </span>There is an upside to her passing the trash off to me, because I’ve found what doesn’t end up in my hand ends up in her mouth.<span> </span>Gross! Gross! Gross!!</div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-52110723858989496022011-03-30T10:38:00.000-07:002011-03-30T10:38:18.507-07:00How to go on a Date With Your Honey<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I have to admit, I’m still working on this one.<span> </span>The actual dating my husband part is fine – we love going out together and having that special one on one time.<span> </span>Being able to eat a nice meal, without being harangued throughout the prep and cooking time by toddlers, is fantastic – especially considering I don’t have to do the dishes afterward.<span> </span>I really, really hate doing dishes.<span> </span>And having a real conversation without being interrupted, pulled on, or whined at is truly priceless.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">No, the part I have trouble with is leaving my children behind somewhere.<span> </span>There are the really nice moms out in the world who have this problem because they just love their children so much and can’t bear the three hour separation.<span> </span>I do not have this problem.<span> </span>Mine is that I feel so terribly for the person we left them behind with.<span> </span>Because of this my husband and I have hired a babysitter maybe once or twice since we had Sarah three and a half years ago; we don’t feel like we have the money to pay someone enough to cover the experience.<span> </span>This doesn’t mean we don’t go out, it just means we leave our kids with family, who have to love us and our kids anyways, no matter what.<span> </span>So far, at least.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">When we drop the two girls off at the beloved grandparent’s house, the first thing Sarah does is bypass any and all affection from her aged relations to take a direct and speedy route to the toy bins.<span> </span>Within a few seconds these have been dumped all over the living room and beyond and Sarah is transfixed in noisy, violent play.<span> </span>While this is happening, Evee, who is one and a half, is sucking up all the love she can get from grandma (it doesn’t matter which side of the family, her grandma’s are her favorite people in the world).<span> </span>Once she feels loved on enough she’ll scramble out of their arms and begin her search of the nearest source of peril: stairs, LEGOs, small change, chemicals, glassware, tabletops, etc, etc, etc.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Jack and I watch the beloved grandparents leap after the children for a few minutes before beating a hasty retreat out the front door.<span> </span>It’s kind of nice to watch someone else be in charge of the walking horror shows which are my children.<span> </span>I feel relieved and a little smug as we shut the door and walk to our car, but as soon as we drive off that little knot of guilt settles in my stomach—what have I just done?<span> </span>My poor parents. <span> </span>After everything they’ve done for me, I unleashed that on their house and then just walked away.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I know the kids are fine.<span> </span>They couldn’t care less that mom and dad are gone, and the beloved grandparents spoil them rotten.<span> </span>I know they are in good hands and that they’re safe, but I think a small part of me is always worrying we’ll come back from the movies and the beloved grandparents will have had enough.<span> </span>“Didn’t you mention something about moving oversees someday?”<span> </span>They’ll ask.<span> </span>“Are you leaving anytime soon?<span> </span>We’d love to help you pack.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The threat of continental expulsion from your parents (or worse, in-laws) can make dating somewhat stressful, but it’s still important to do.<span> </span>And if this worst case scenario ever does come to fruition, you can always take solace in the knowledge that no one in your new country knows your darling children, and you can hire babysitters there for at least a while before they catch on and start charging you double.</div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-50496746943214488642011-03-28T13:50:00.000-07:002011-03-28T13:50:13.726-07:00How to Potty Train a Toddler<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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</style> <![endif]--> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Cute new potty chair?<span> </span>Check.<span> </span>Cute new princess panties?<span> </span>Check.<span> </span>Sugary incentives?<span> </span>Check.<span> </span>Books on peeing in the potty?<span> </span>Check.<span> </span>Movies on peeing in the potty?<span> </span>Check.<span> </span>Toddler actually using the potty?<span> </span>Nada.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">It was one month until the beginning of preschool, and Sarah had yet to show even the slightest interest in saying “sayonara” to diapers.<span> </span>This was problematic because per state regulations, a three year old must be toilet trained to be able to attend preschool.<span> </span>We had waited and waited for her to show interest, as the parenting books promise all children will eventually, but my child had not and she was out of time.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">But what about incentives, you say?<span> </span>Surely a three year old child would do anything for a piece of candy?<span> </span>Surely not.<span> </span>M&M’s and Reece’s Peanut Butter cups held no sway; we even had her on a sugar restricted diet at the time.<span> </span>It was the only candy in the house, and the only time she could get some of it was when she used the potty.<span> </span>If memory serves it worked all of once or twice until she realized what this potty training exercise was leading up to.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">This is not where it ended.<span> </span>We tried everything we could find online or in magazines, we pestered every parent we knew for advice, but not a bit of it worked.<span> </span>Sarah was on to our tricks and come Hell or high water she was keeping those diapers.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">So what did we do?<span> </span>We took them away anyways.<span> </span>Just like that.<span> </span>We had a near naked toddler running around our house for a month at least.<span> </span>You can imagine the mess this induced –everywhere.<span> </span>This method is not for the faint of heart.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">To my immense relief she learned how to poo in the potty rather quickly.<span> </span>The princess panties had caught on and she didn’t like getting them dirty, especially since when <i>that</i> kind of an accident occurred I would cut them off her and throw them in the trash.<span> </span>Panties aren’t expensive enough to make me deal with that mess.<span> </span>My devil-may-care attitude about her beloved panties saved us from big disasters most of the time, but it did nothing to stop the torrential currents of urination.<span> </span>I didn’t even think she drank that much.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">We borrowed my mother’s carpet cleaner and used it probably a good ten times a day in the beginning (Sarah would get to help in these cleaning projects).<span> </span>After a week we were pulling out our hair in frustration, but somewhere in the second week Sarah got tired of having to mop up her own pee and used the potty on her own without any promptings from us.<span> </span>Woo hoo!<span> </span>We praised her and gave her candy and hugged her and kissed her and we sang and danced as we flushed the nasty down the toilet.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">No more than fifteen minutes later I was dragging the carpet cleaner back to her room to fix the newest mess.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">So, would I recommend this method?<span> </span>Absolutely not… unless you have to, or if you have a backyard you can keep them in until they figure it out.<span> </span>Did it work for us?<span> </span>In the end, yes.<span> </span>It took about two full months to become completely accident free, but she never peed in the middle of a store or in the car, so I’m counting my blessings.</div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-64983070516940796252011-03-25T09:52:00.000-07:002011-03-25T09:52:36.307-07:00How to Take Your Kids on a Car Trip<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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</style> <![endif]--> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">The only thing less fun than trying to plan a fun, family vacation is actually taking the fun, family vacation.<span> </span>All the screaming and fighting, cajoling, whining, pestering, and complaining, and that’s before the car’s even packed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">There are a few steps you can take to make this a slightly less terrible experience.<span> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">First, pack while they’re sleeping.<span> </span>While you’re doing the laundry in the week beforehand, put aside any clothes you want to take with you – and when I say put aside, I really mean hide them somewhere where the children won’t be able to find them, unfold everything, and then dump chocolate milk on half of the pile.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">The night before you leave you can pull out your stash, stuff it all in a suitcase and straight into the car without the children every knowing there were awesome, exciting things for them to terrorize.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">This theory holds true for your second step, which is trying your hardest to find enough things to distract them with during the trip, and then hiding those goodies until liftoff.<span> </span>Movies, toys, games… mostly movies.<span> </span>New things will hold their attention longer, but never expect your extensive preparations to completely succeed.<span> </span>There is no fail safe way to stop the whining, crying, and complaining, which leads me to step three:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">Invest in some quality ear plugs.<span> </span>Or even not quality ear plugs.<span> </span>Anything will work, really.<span> </span>They sell small bags of foam ear plugs at most drug stores, and they will most definitely take the edge of the shrieking.<span> </span>And speaking of drugs, buy some.<span> </span>There is nothing like a drug-induced coma in the backseat to bring you the best road trip experience ever.<span> </span>Not that I actually do… ahem… sure.* <a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=1450862311811509694#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></span></span></span></a>Moving right along... </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">Step four is somewhat tricky, but can totally pay off: invite a favorite relative along.<span> </span>Our personal favorites are the beloved Aunts and Uncles of our children.<span> </span>They can sit in the backseat and play games and make faces for hours on end, it turns out; even when they’re exhausted and tell you they can’t take anymore.<span> </span>Just hand them a pair of ear plugs and tell them to get back to work.<span> </span>If you really play your cards right, you can make it seem like you’re actually being really nice by letting them come along and talk them into paying their own way.<span> </span>And if you’re super clever you can drop off the kids at their hotel room one night while you and your honey go out on a kid-free date in a new and exciting place.<span> </span>Huzzah!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>Step five is to bring more snacks than you ever dreamed you’d need.<span> </span>A fair amount of whining and crying really can be stopped with a cookie.<span> </span>Is it healthy?<span> </span>No way, but that’s what vacations are all about—keeping everyone happy.<span> </span>Strike that—keeping everyone quiet.<span> </span>You can throw away any leftover junk and start feeding them carrots again as soon as you get home.<span> </span>Step 5.1 is to plan enough money into your trip budget to get the car detailed when you get home.<span> </span>It’s gonna need it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">Traveling with the children will be difficult and harrowing, but it is worth it.<span> </span>Your kids will gain so much, and whether it seems like it at the time or not, you will grow closer as a family for it.<span> </span>After all, the family that moves together grooves together.<span> </span>Or something…<span> </span></span></div><div><br clear="all" /> <hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" /> <div id="ftn1"> <div class="MsoFootnoteText"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 8pt; line-height: 115%;">* I’m pretty sure the FDA frowns upon drug-induced comas for the children.<span> </span>Oh, and there’s something or other about it being completely irresponsible and highly not recommended.<span> </span>Don’t drug your children.<span> </span>But you’re more than welcome to imagine it all you want.<span> </span>It could release happy endorphins, making it so you don’t have to drug yourself either.</span></div></div></div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1450862311811509694.post-75730359140771680942011-03-24T23:43:00.000-07:002011-03-24T23:43:12.140-07:00Introduction<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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</style> <![endif]--> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">Its 6:45PM, and little Sarah has poked her head out the door once again.<span> </span>I pause my show and walk over to her.<span> </span>I’m not angry or upset – I am a robot, mute and unperturbedable.<span> </span>My face remains an emotionless mask as I take her by her small hand and lead her quietly to bed, tucking her in with just the right amount of tenderness, but not too much.<span> </span>Then I tip toe out of her room, shut the door, and return to my Tivo.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">For the first week of two of Sarah learning to sleep through the night we had a few ‘incidences’ like the one above every evening, but then one day –like magic!—she just stayed put all night long.<span> </span>It was a miracle!<span> </span>We’ve never had a problem since, but if we did we would know just how to handle it.<span> </span>My husband and I really are the best parents in the world.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Please, please, don’t stop reading here.<span> </span>I probably would if I were you, but if you give me just another paragraph or two I can explain.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The above is what I thought child-rearing was supposed to be like. It’s what I learned in the stacks of parenting books I read, and what the SuperNanny taught me in late-night re-runs.<span> </span>There are simple, tried and true methods that will work for any child… as long, of course, the parents have the fortitude and gumption to stick with it.<span> </span>With the right parenting your child will take a direct route from mommy and me swimming lessons right to their graduation with a doctorate from an Ivy League university.<span> </span>It’s easy!</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I suppose I should give credit to those few parenting books who admit that not every method will work for every child.<span> </span>In most cases this is a single line or two of “oops, sorry, it seems Heaven bequeathed you some really cute monsters.<span> </span>Good luck.”</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I happen to own one or two of <i>those</i> children.<span> </span>The eldest, Sarah, is currently three and a half.<span> </span>When she is happy she is elated, ecstatic, almost past the point of reason.<span> </span>Her verbage becomes high pitched and consists mainly of incoherent shrieks of glee.<span> </span>On the other end of the spectrum are grumpy fits of torrential anger, completely untouched by the feared and time-honored “time outs.”<span> </span>She screams and tears and destroys and spits and sulks like, I thought, only teenagers were capable.<span> </span>The middle ground of this teeter-totter of behavior is less often seen.<span> </span>I’ve seen toddlers sit quietly next to their mothers for five or ten minutes at a time, but have yet to ever few such behavior in my own little Sarah Sunshine. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Evee started out calm and peaceful, but she’s been learning lessons at Sarah’s feet on how to push mom’s buttons and destroy all in her path.<span> </span>She is a good little padawan.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Thankfully, they love as fiercely as they fight, making the good moments that much better. <span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Given this background information, I’m sure you’ve surmised by now that the little story at the top of the page is none other than a big, fat lie.<span> </span>Do Sarah and Evee go to bed by seven?<span> </span>Most nights.<span> </span>Is it pretty?<span> </span>Not on your life.<span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">This is a short compilation of how I deal with my little monsters.<span> </span>It probably won’t be of any use to you if you have one too since they all have their own unique way of terrorizing/terrifying/horrifying their parents, but here it is anyways.</div>Kylie Hiltonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958549533478338892noreply@blogger.com0