The only thing less fun than trying to plan a fun, family vacation is actually taking the fun, family vacation. All the screaming and fighting, cajoling, whining, pestering, and complaining, and that’s before the car’s even packed.
There are a few steps you can take to make this a slightly less terrible experience.
First, pack while they’re sleeping. While you’re doing the laundry in the week beforehand, put aside any clothes you want to take with you – and when I say put aside, I really mean hide them somewhere where the children won’t be able to find them, unfold everything, and then dump chocolate milk on half of the pile.
The night before you leave you can pull out your stash, stuff it all in a suitcase and straight into the car without the children every knowing there were awesome, exciting things for them to terrorize.
This theory holds true for your second step, which is trying your hardest to find enough things to distract them with during the trip, and then hiding those goodies until liftoff. Movies, toys, games… mostly movies. New things will hold their attention longer, but never expect your extensive preparations to completely succeed. There is no fail safe way to stop the whining, crying, and complaining, which leads me to step three:
Invest in some quality ear plugs. Or even not quality ear plugs. Anything will work, really. They sell small bags of foam ear plugs at most drug stores, and they will most definitely take the edge of the shrieking. And speaking of drugs, buy some. There is nothing like a drug-induced coma in the backseat to bring you the best road trip experience ever. Not that I actually do… ahem… sure.* Moving right along...
Step four is somewhat tricky, but can totally pay off: invite a favorite relative along. Our personal favorites are the beloved Aunts and Uncles of our children. They can sit in the backseat and play games and make faces for hours on end, it turns out; even when they’re exhausted and tell you they can’t take anymore. Just hand them a pair of ear plugs and tell them to get back to work. If you really play your cards right, you can make it seem like you’re actually being really nice by letting them come along and talk them into paying their own way. And if you’re super clever you can drop off the kids at their hotel room one night while you and your honey go out on a kid-free date in a new and exciting place. Huzzah!
Step five is to bring more snacks than you ever dreamed you’d need. A fair amount of whining and crying really can be stopped with a cookie. Is it healthy? No way, but that’s what vacations are all about—keeping everyone happy. Strike that—keeping everyone quiet. You can throw away any leftover junk and start feeding them carrots again as soon as you get home. Step 5.1 is to plan enough money into your trip budget to get the car detailed when you get home. It’s gonna need it.
Traveling with the children will be difficult and harrowing, but it is worth it. Your kids will gain so much, and whether it seems like it at the time or not, you will grow closer as a family for it. After all, the family that moves together grooves together. Or something…
* I’m pretty sure the FDA frowns upon drug-induced comas for the children. Oh, and there’s something or other about it being completely irresponsible and highly not recommended. Don’t drug your children. But you’re more than welcome to imagine it all you want. It could release happy endorphins, making it so you don’t have to drug yourself either.
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